Getting lost...

Today I feel broken.

Listening to mellow or more cheerful music. YouTube is nice for their collection, showing videos others have made to go with songs. Nice to get that other perspective, like John Mayer's Dreaming With a Broken Heart (just linked here for listening). When I listen to the song, I picture John Mayer dreaming of a lost lover. However, someone on posted on YouTube a video to that song about her mother, who had passed away.

Blue Sea Holly from Polaroids and Pinholes

Also looking for art that will make me forget about time.

Six Fourteen via Alicia Bock

Do I love pictures of flowers? Don't honestly think I can get enough! Polaroid (and polaroid-esque) photography? Love the quality, the vintage, grainy, dreamy feel of time not present.

Grad Day

Happy Grad, little sister.

Life Images Submission

My mother had told me about Life Images magazine/competitiony-thing. For the past month I've been wearing out the carpet in my head, walking in circles about what I could submit.

Looking at the pictures I had, I saw this story pop out at me. Or a narrative, or at least a series of events and testimonies. Well, it felt like a 'story' to me....
Aaand this is it!
(it may look familiar)

I wasn't ready


None of us were spared



Now we wait on Charon's ferry

Please let me know what you think!

I will just let it settle and I will submit this tomorrow or Saturday... I feel quite good about this, but here's me crossing my fingers!

Good things

I definitely feel more relaxed, now that the crisis of "I'm not changing the world in a broad sweeping motion right now!" has passed. A new blog is in the works, in collaboration with a politically-minded friend of mine (he also likes environmental). He is tired of telling people things and 'hitting the wall', so to speak. The wall that is apathy...


Speaking of which, I discovered a new website called Apathy is Boring. (What a name!)

It encourages Canadian youth to participate politically. (Because so many of them don't! The 18-24 demographic consistently has the lowest turnout rates at the polls.) I haven't had time to explore the site's contents yet, just the main 'about' and skimming - but I love the fact that this is a resource! I want to let all my friends know, perhaps I will even be able to organise some event in my area.


And oh, do I love surfing. Apathy eventually lead me to Do something.org. Oh how I do love attractive, creative resources, especially for youth. Of course, Do something is American, so if you're Canadian like me, or other, a lot doesn't apply (you can search for volunteer opportunities). That being said, seeing things that are being done, or ideas people come up with, or even browsing the different causes can polarize you and stir you to motion. Some of it is pretty inspiring!

The war of Orange

It's just so happy! And very bright... I took this picture in March, and made the background today. It makes me think of breakfast, orange juice, coffee, and clotheslines and fresh air.

If you want it as your desktop background, click the image - it will link you to the picture URL. Right-click as set as desktop background, or right-click and choose save as to save it to your computer. (If you want a smaller size, visit my flickr to get the size you need)

And news on the orange-and-blue front: Etsy has gone onboard with the theme. All the picks on the site earlier today were orange and blue (I was just going to get a screenshot, only to find they've now changed it to grey men's things). It was a beautiful thing to see. And the colour search on Etsy doesn't get that I want both colours, just gives me blue items, then orange ones. Sigh.

The creepiest picture of an orange I have ever seen!

*this picture from.... somewhere on the web.
The epitome of something dead... the colours are all off... It looks like mottled blood clumping to the sides....

Other orange things:
(I took these pictures)

yeah, I guess the orange does look a bit red in this picture....


You guessed it, someone in my house was eating a papaya!

And end to it all (chaos or life?)

How much chaos is there in the world? Why??


Today, I see it that chaos is the result of mixing the important matters with the trivialities, giving them equal weight, confusing our minds and our souls.


In photography, a general rule is to keep the background simple, so that the viewer's eye can focus on the subject. Another rule is good composition: put your subject at one third of the way from the top/bottom and two sides. Repeating patterns lead the eye and are soothing, as nature is all about repeating patterns.


We don't live our lives on purpose, it seems. We don't take the time to examine them. We pile the events of our lives the way I pile items in my room because my mother doesn't want them throughout the house. We don't spend time building our lives. We don't have the chance to choose ourselves, to fix the flaws in the foundation on which we build our lives.


Again, in photography, framing is important: finding a natural frame in the picture makes it pop out, much the way a picture frame keeps a picture or work of art from being lost in the vast expanse of the wall on which it is hanging.

sea turtle in hawaiian waters

Everything in life worth experiencing has frames, or limits, of some kind: pieces of music have a start and an end, and only have a certain range; artists and hair stylists have only a certain amount of fine dexterity, time, and tools; paramedics, doctors, and nurses have a limited amount of money, ability, and time. Even our lives themselves: we start at birth and only live until we die. Immortality would not make us better, because with enough time, we could all paint Sistine Chapels, carve Davids, give all our hair for cancer, climb mount Everest if we wanted to. But they are special because the people who did them did so in a few years, rather than in a few centuries. What humans do with limits is the most beautiful thing about us. Wonderful, heartbreaking, and terrible, perhaps, but definitely the most beautiful.


Today I see how it could all work. If we stood back and framed our lives with care, the way a photographer carefully composes a shot--taking into consideration the light and the colors and the contrast, choosing which details to leave out, how to better feature the subject, the point of interest--our lives, our world would be so much better.

TGIF

TGIF: Think Green, It's Friday!

Fridays I will post something to do with the green theme, with a special focus on green + art. I also post finds to do with the three Rs (reduce, reuse, recycle), new policies in government or industry, eco-friendly appliances and vehicles... anything green!




Reuse + art

Kudos to sfgirlbybay, which I read regularly, I found an excellent use of the 'reuse' part of thinking green.

Scrap collects and sorts donations of "high-quality, low-cost, re-usable materials sucha s textiles, paper, jewelery findings, wood, buttons and plastics", which are available to the public at quite a discounted price. This is so great! Companies or individuals like not paying for disposal of their excess, less is sent to the dump, public has access to cool things that would otherwise be expensive or inaccessible. I imagine just going to Scrap would inspire some form of art.

sfgirlbybay's original post




The Ecosphere: more than just sea monkeys

Ever wanted to hold the world in your hands? Now, with an Ecosphere, you can. Enclosed in a glass globe is an entirely self-sustaining ecosystem. Blending art and science, beauty and balance, an Ecosphere is a microcosm of life you can hold in your hands.

It contains micro-organisms, bright red shrimp, and algae in filtered sea water. All you need to do is provide indirect light and your ecosphere will flourish.

How does it work? Thankfully the good people at Ecosphere Associates, Inc have provided us with an illustration on their website (gather your basic biology, everyone). Too much algae and it will grow to block out all the light. Too many shrimp will use all the oxygen. It truly is a fine balance.


I know it's not recycling or environmentally friendly, but the ecosphere can be a case study for our own situation on Earth. We have thrown the delicate balance out of whack... And soon, without significant action, we will go too far past the tipping point.


Ecosphere are way cool. I want one.




Actively Green Events

The 2008 Commuter Challenge runs from June 1-7. Candians are encouraged to walk, bike, bus, train, or carpool to work as a choice for personal community and environmental health. Employees can register to track their mileage for friendly competetion between workplaces.

At the end of the week, participants can see the results of their saved gas mileage as reduced emissions. Last year participants saved 1264 KG of GHG emissions and 6 KG of Nox emissions (no, I haven't the faintest idea what those are). To know you are doing something good is one thing, but to actually see some results is fantastic!

I know I am going to register, as I already carpool to work. (Unfortunately it is almost impossible to bike, walk, or bus to work from my house)

This is just one of the events spurred on by Canadian Environment Week. From this site you can find events near you or take some of their suggestions to quietly celebrate Environment week:

• Change at least one lightbulb to compact fluorescent
• Turn off your computer when you're not using it
• Keep a reusable bag in your car for groceries and use one less plastic bag.

Also this upcoming week is World Environment Day, June 5th. Here are a few fun items from their list of 80 Ways to Celebrate WEP:

• Art made of recycled materials (YES! second on the list! though it is alphabetical)
• Competitions (banner, drawing, essay, painting, poster, poetry)
• Donate to an environmental cause
• Excursions to nature sites
• Performances (plays, songs, poetry)
• Visits to botanical gardens and national parks

Wow. I am so excited now! I just can't wait!! Happy Friday everyone!

Invisible (to some)

Introversion vs. extroversion. The next biggest game show, a 'daily living' Survivor. I am so surprised that a bigger deal is not made of these differences. Then again, I know of people who didn't recognize either term.


Introverts are those quiet, thoughtful, self-aware, level-headed, discreet people, who may or may not be awkward at small talk. They think before they speak, are reserved and private, and though they may give the air of being disdainful, they do like people. Introverts need to spend time alone, to "recharge their batteries", because being around people makes them tired.


Extroverts, on the other hand, love to spend time talking, chatting, letting everyone in on their life stories, figuring out problems by talking out loud. Extroverts make people their friends, whether they've known someone 5 years or 5 minutes.


Thing is, it really is an extravert's world. Over 65% of the population in the U.S. is extroverted.* Yet they make that percentage seem more significant; extroverts, with their public displays of emotion and natural ability to interact with and persuade people, are just louder. Politicians are most often extroverts, as are salesmen, lifeguards, nurses... (of course this is a majority, not a totality). The introverts just grin (a conscious effort) and bear it, holding internal dialogue of what they'll do when the small talk will one day be over.


Those who talk the most set the rules, and so the characteristics we admire in others are characteristics of extroverts: confident, friendly, approachable, lovable, people-person. For myself (as an introvert), it is the mask I wear so that I do not give the 'aloof', 'cold' impression.


However, it is tiring, and I often wish I did not have to act to be liked in this superficial manner (for colleagues or aquaintances). This is especially true for women, who are stereotypically warm, caring and motherly. This is not to say that introverts are not this way, but they only open up to close friends with significant depth of relationship.


Is it fair to be held up to a standard designed by people who see and interact in the world completely differently from you? I just want to be the way I am and be appreciated for it, and most of the world won't get that. It's like being pulled out of the fish tank again and again to breathe air, by well-intentioned (and usually oblivious) extroverts.


So who would win Survivor of introverts vs. extroverts? Depends on who made the rules...

Pause

All it takes is sixty seconds to change your life. That's the thesis of Pause, relatively new website for teens. The idea is ingenious, the implementation perfect.


In less than 30 seconds a commercial on tv hooks the viewer to visit the website--one of those mysterious, appealing commercials with the beautiful muted dark color palette, grungy, textured scenes and realistic.


When at the site, the reader is enticed to explore. As far as I'm concerned, this website has the best elements of a page-turner novel: leave them wanting more. Mysterious meets knows-your-every-need (even the secret ones).


Some of the feedback Pause has recieved has revealed the other two key factors in Pause's appeal and success:

• Not telling kids what to do, say, or think

(Because we all hate unintentionally causing reverse psychology to take effect). This goes extra far with Pause because the youth visiting it choose to check it out for help. They're not looking for another attempt at indoctrination. Pause takes the role of a cool friend who knows a little bit more and is confident enough not to just go with the flow. Quite appealing.

• It only takes 60 seconds to change your life.
  

This realization gives so much power to teens, who feel overruled by parents, rules, and peer pressure. Yes, you can be a major influence on your life story. Yes, all it takes is sixty seconds to pause...

Just the word pause implies effortlessness. It's not homework, not something you have to work at, concentrate on, dedicate yourself to, or worry about. You don't wear it, smell like it, look like it... you're just free. And that's, well, liberating.


Here is the link again: http://fox.com/pause/. Unfortunately I was not able to find one of their short video clips (their commercials) to put in this post, but they are on the site.

It's a sign...

From this post
Here's the visual goody:

Site picks

Some things of note I found in the past week:


How About Orange
A visual and/or craft blog. And, orange! How much better does it get?



Passive Aggressive Notes . com
I love seeing pictures of signs and notes like these. Laughing is good for your brain.


English fail
Again, awesome sign mistakes. You can also exercise your ab muscles.


Behind the Lens
Photography blog. Experience in the field and knowledgeable.


Ill Seen, Ill Said
Blogging indoor furniture, art, clothing, accessories of all kinds. Some really unusual, appealing finds on this site.


Here's the visual goody

Book of the month!

A certain situation has made itself known to me this week: the epidemic of bad powerpoint presentations (chronic monopresentation). This is a very serious issue that affects hundreds of thousands of people, sometimes even as young as 13 years old.


Chronic monopresentation is characterized by slides overfilled with nothing but text, lack of white space, and monotonous verbal explanations cloned from the screen. If supervisors or companies push for the so-called "professional" look, it may become contagious. People with less confidence in informality or their ability to tell a story and connect with the audience may be more prone to chronic monopresentation.


If you or someone you know is suffering from these or other symptoms, talk to your doctor about a treatment that's right for you. Leave your data worries behind you.


*Presentation Zen is not for everyone. Talk to your doctor before taking this or any medication. Side effects include increased sales or connections, very good impressions of you and a focused product or messsage. This medication should not be used with transition effects in powerpoint or keynote. For more information, visit http://www.presentationzen.com/presentationzen/

This blog article not endorsed by Presentation Zen or Garr Reynolds.

Take a moment

What pleased my eyes this weekend:

Being 'in the country'


Beautiful flowers


The light in our entrance way, for which I laid flat on my back to admire. I love the creamy wholeness of those halos.

Sometimes, it's just the simple things that bring us pleasure. Looking around my home for opportunities to use my new old camera, I found little that pleased the aesthetic eye. On the floor in frustration, I looked up... and saw this light.

Sometimes, I just forget to breathe...

TGIF

With the onset of spring I would like to introduce

TGIF: Think Green, It's Friday!

Fridays I will post something to do with the green theme, with a special focus on green in connection to art. I also post finds to do with the three Rs (reduce, reuse, recycle), new policies in government or industry, eco-friendly appliances and vehicles... anything green!

(Hehe I feel like a genius sometimes. TGIF just makes me giggle.)



To start off, I would like to post this article in the local Edmonton Journal:

Recycling thinkers make art of trash

Local gallery, film fest highlight international waste conference

Todd Babiak, The Edmonton Journal

Published: Sunday, May 11

We are what we throw away, as individuals and as a society. Sculptors, painters, photographers and installation artists have known this for some time. It's no accident that Tony Soprano, one of the icons of the new century, was a "waste management consultant."

Don Delillo's giant 1997 novel, Underworld, considered to be one of the most important if least-read classics of the late 20th century, uses garbage to define postwar America. The protagonist, Nick Shay, is employed by a firm called Waste Containment. He becomes romantically involved with an artist whose medium is the abandoned airplane. The book is a meditation on human offal in all its forms -- from excretions and simple trash to nuclear waste and mass media.

Our relationship with waste is possibly the least attractive aspect of human society. Cities and countries are judged by their ability to clean water, to limit and transform waste. Today, in the age of recycling, we transcend and perfect ourselves as individuals by reducing and reusing, which are creative activities. It's much easier to consume a lot and toss it all. Now more than ever, environmentally and morally and even artistically, we're encouraged to think about waste.

"There are so many cultural manifestations," says Gary Spotowski, from the Edmonton Waste Management branch. "How we see it, deal with it, use it, think about it, sometimes even beautify it.

"We're certainly defined by consumerism, and that's what pushes waste around like a giant bulldozer."

Instead of doing the usual thing for Waste: The Social Context, an international conference taking place in Edmonton this week -- mixers, speeches, a pub crawl -- Spotowski and the good people at the Edmonton Waste Management Centre of Excellence decided to link up with arts organizations. Consumable Waste: The Perfect Product, a design show at Latitude 53, is open for viewing this week and opens officially with a reception on Thursday. Reel Waste: Films on Garbage, a four-day film festival at Metro Cinema, is a collection of fascinating local and international documentaries programmed by Spotowski.

The films will look at everything from the reasons Edmonton transformed from landfill disaster to a continental leader in waste management to Shipbreakers, a compelling look at the dismantling of old ships on the beaches of India. "I was looking for things that documented some horrors of waste management around the world," Spotowski says, over an Italian soda at Three Bananas on Churchill Square. "But films that also dignified the people that deal with waste, from sorters to artists. And I wanted some humour in there."

Spotowski comes to this honestly, he says. Thirty years ago, he was a garbageman. "I saw what we threw away 30 years ago, before recycling was a word on anyone's lips. In that sense, the transformation of the past 20 or 30 years has been astounding and gratifying."

After an education degree and some time as a sculptor working with scrap steel and Styrofoam, Spotowski has come to this: encouraging the whole city to join international leaders in thinking about waste, through art.

Edmontonians may not be willing to sign up for a conference devoted to comparing strategies and social marketing for waste and recycling. But we do like our movies and art galleries. There are hundreds of conventions in Greater Edmonton every year, large and small, some fascinating and some not-so-fascinating, but organizers can learn a thing or two from Spotowski and his colleagues. He's working with gallery owners and film programmers who are always keen to develop and nurture new audiences.

Why not a mini oil-and-gas literary festival? Or a dance show, commissioned by a teachers' convention? The first chamber opera written for an international pipefitters gathering could be right here in Edmonton.

For now, we'll concentrate on waste (please recycle this newspaper).

For more on the film festival and design show, see www.reelwaste.com and http://www.consumablewaste.ca/

tbabiak@thejournal.canwest.com

© The Edmonton Journal 2008

Latest pictures

These pictures don't really have any theme other than they're new

Cheerful flowers my friend gave me! Carnations just have such depth and softness to them..

shiny plastic spoons

I love that face

ooooh blue tiles... love the texture...

some kind of asian-style monument

lovely old brick wall!

What are you telling your water?

With all this rain in our usually dry prairie province I thought it fitting to talk about water.

Water absorbs our feelings and emotions, claims Dr. Masaru Emoto. This could have a substantial impact on humans, with over 60% our bodies water. If water absorbs our feelings, are we 60% living the emotions we felt in the past?

The history behind Emoto's experiments with water is not clear, but he has taken thousands of pictures of super-cooled water crystals; they show that ugly crystals result from negative words or thoughts, and beautiful crystals, produced by positive ones.

This water crystal was shown the word "Joy"

In his experiments, pure water is 'treated' by a strong intention, prayers and blessings, or a word affixed to the bottle. The liquid is then supercooled, and pictures are taken. A team goes through the pictures with a key (what 'treatments' the water got) to establish any pattern. Masaru Emoto's research led him to the conclusion that positive words form beautiful, well-formed crystals (such as the one pictured here), and that negative thoughts lead to ill-formed, ugly crystals.

The only problem with Masaru's experiments is that they are not scientific enough. That doesn't mean he lacked high-tech equipment or had a team of sub-par research assistants, but that he didn't place enough controls in order to limit human interpretation in data collection.

What does that mean? Too many other conditions were variable to say if the results were really from a positive or negative word. Imagine growing two plants to see if talking to plants improves their condition. If you plant one in more fertile soil than the other, water the two plants with different amounts of water or different schedules, and let them have different amounts of sunshine, how do you know that one is doing better than the other only because of your talking? It simply requires isolating the one variable you want to find out.

Masaru, on the other hand, reportedly did not photograph the crystals at the same times or timeframes, and a team selected the most aesthetically pleasing photographs from the large number they had taken. He claims that difficulties in photographing the frozen water impede perfect control of this, and also, that after it is 'treated', the water is neutrally labelled (letters of the alphabet) for handling in the lab. The experiment as a whole is very open to personal bias and interpretation.

I am not prepared to fully validate Emoto's experiments as real science, but it is not something to dismiss, either. Human brains are hardwired to find patterns; science is only built to do so. After all, there is something magical about these messages.

picture from Masaru Emoto's website
"Emoto Project"--outreach to children
Wikipedia on Dr. Masaru Emoto

Pay it forward

Two things came to mind as I was reading yesterday's post.

The first is that there are other kinds of abuse than physical domestic violence. Women are more likely than men to verbally abuse their spouses, whereas men are more likely to use violence, but both are used induce fear, assert power, and gain control. However, both are devastating, humiliating secrets victims bear. In fact, because the damaging effect of words is borne on one's spirit rather than one's body (and it is visually not as striking as physical abuse), victims, especially men, of verbal abuse remain silent in their situations.


The second thing, however, is a bit more of a cheerful topic: reaching out. I came across a beautiful thing this weekend (this link also in my sidebar). Lovely! I'm not going to say that it would completely change someone's life, but it definitely improves their day, or their week. And if it only takes a couple of minutes of your time, leaving you feeling good, isn't it worth it?

The vicious cycle

Do you have any idea how hard it is to be invisible and still contribute? It is so difficult to simply go to my room in the basement and pretend that I do not exist. How can I play music? Or spread out a project? Talk on the phone? (I am so thankful to be living in the age of the internet). I try to stop breathing when my mother descends the stairs. It's a mechanism of who I am: hide myself to get out of the world's way. Be invisible.

Where do you go for help when you have no problems because you've bowed over to make them work out? Who do you face when you're invisible? And if you show no signs of trauma, how does anyone know to help?

These questions make me think of battered women (or men, it happens!), who have few friends, trade excuses for bruises, and truly believe their husband's (or wive's) 28th rerun of the sincerest apologies and assurances of deepest love.

To get to that situation, though.... it is a gradual process. It starts with just a single slap, during a heated argument perhaps. The offender immediately apologizes and the victim says they're okay, allowing themselves to be comforted.

Then it happens a second time. And a third. Soon it becomes more and more violent, often without the victim being aware of the situation they are in.

Those who study this behavior have learned that the intense concern and love from the abuser immadiately after the event keep the victims unaware of any pattern in behavior; to them there are reasons for each time they were abused and that they are random happenings. In fact, in most cases the victims feel a nameless guilt and embarassment and assume responsibility for the acts. The bad habits have worsened, but it also feels so good and safe in the 'comforting' period that the victim sometimes still sees it as a good relationship.

Thing is, though, is that this cycle is not only characteristic of domestic violence, but also of anoraxia and bulimia, bingeing of any kind, drug abuse, and even unsatisfactory relationships. The pattern is a low of some sort (whether it's an absense/withdral or a negative event such as abuse or eating), followed by a high (feeling loved, drug high, feeling good about purging).

And ultimately, these patterns lead the people who have them feeling good because of it. Drugs numb pain and feel good, being rewarded by others or self for being skinny (and therefore desirable). Generally these patterns give their victims feelings of confidence, which will soon fail, only to be brought to a new high.

Well, depressing or interesting, I like to think about these things and compare them to my own life. I know I fall into this pattern sometimes (with falling deep into my emotions in connection to listening to music, with outbursts), and I think it is important to see these patterns to help live a healthier life.

If you are interested in further reading on spousal abuse, I can point you to one paper that is informative, easy to read and friendly. All my other sources I have remembered bits and pieces from and have no references for!

See also this follow-up post

Worries, odds, and ends

Wow. I am missing the need to post something on my blog. Usually, throughout the course of the day, at work, ideas compete to be post content, pictures are taken and put aside for this use, conversations or events lead to an overall mini-essay thing.

Right after the redesign was finished on Saturday, I felt a release. I had accomplished something! And I could see the results right before my eyes, in my blog that I look at most often.

That and, spending a whole day and a half just on design meant I was alone and no drama occured. No one bothered me, my energy was not drained by being around people (the introvert that I am), nothing I despised inspired a rant....

I guess I was just blogging for peace: to bring harmony to the inner turmoil caused by outer chaos. I can say it's never been a problem for me, being too at-peace.

.......

That being said, this peaceful state opens my mind to other worries, allowing me to worry with full capacity. Do I need over a million-dollar 'useless arts degree' if I just want to become an artist or an interior decoartor or run a B&B or open a store? (nevermind that I haven't got a product to sell). Especially when what (little) capital I have could be put to one of those uses. And then I could stay here, with all I hold dear..(or am I just looking for reasons to stay?)

If only I could decide how to live my life!

Worry. It eats stomach acid for breakfast.


....On a happy note, I am looking forward to posting Friday! I wish it were Friday already, or that I had come up with the idea sooner...


Oh, and here's a picture I took Thursday. A consolation prize for listening to my worries

Recycling project

Now I can show the start of the project 'save the CDs'...


I love sun rays!

the shadows are cool...
I can't wait until I get a whole bunch together and ave a wall of them for the sun to shine through, casting the room in shunny orange